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Re: Strange love
Hello! I quite liked this piece. It's written in a very narrative kind of way, very observant. I do like the style of writing, however I think that in some ...
Nov 2, 2009 -
Re: "Dream Self" episode 2, part 1
I normally only review poems, so I can't really say very much here, but what I can say is that I really enjoyed this. I haven't read episode one, but ...
Sep 8, 2009 -
Re: Slingshot
Hello! Welcome to YWS. We do ask that everyone writes two reviews themselves before posting their own work. This is an interesting poem. It takes a few reads, which is ...
Sep 1, 2009 -
Re: Why???
Hello! I quite like this poem, but as always there is room for improvement! I like the first stanza, however why do you need to "cover the space"? It sounds ...
Sep 1, 2009 -
Re: Saturday Nite
Hello! Welcome to YWS. We do ask that everyone reviews two pieces of work before posting their own. I like the idea of this poem. The rhyming isn't forced and ...
Sep 1, 2009 -
Re: Counting down the seconds
Okay, let's dive straight in! You said "starts" twice in the first stanza, it sounds a little repetitive. Not sure about the "and" here either, it seems unnecessary. I'm imagining ...
Aug 31, 2009 -
Re: ~*~Darkend Light~*~
Hello! Welcome to YWS. Please note that we have a 2:1 policy here, meaning that members are asked to review two pieces of work before posting their own. I quite ...
Aug 28, 2009 -
Re: Fireflies
Hello! Firstly, sorry if I say anything which is repeating anyone else; reading other people's reviews deterrs me if they've already said what I was thinking. The first stanza is ...
Jul 12, 2009 -
Re: .
I really like the description in this and the images it puts in my mind. However, who is "he"? He is only mentioned once, is he important? The second stanza ...
Jun 28, 2009 -
Re: Night Walker
I love how you formatted the words at the beginning to look like stairs! Also, the slow progression of describing the character. It is very difficult to write in second ...
Jun 28, 2009 -
Re: Elly
Hi, welcome to YWS! Please note that we have a 2:1 rule here, meaning that members should review two poems or stories by other members before posting their own. You ...
Jun 11, 2009 -
Re: My Old Friend
I don't think this flowed very well - some of the lines sounded a little disjointed. I did like the last stanza though and I think if you could rework ...
Jun 11, 2009 -
Re: Morning
A couple of things: firstly, the toothless sun, it is a rather strange thing to say. I interpret this to mean it's soft, gentle, not biting, easy to bear. Also, ...
Jan 19, 2009 -
Re: Broken Light
that streaks my conscience. We used to sit here and long at the stars: consider their pretensions, marvel at their aloofness. We knew their destiny lay in ours. Our what? ...
Dec 27, 2008 -
Re: Awakening
Hello! Let's jump right in. As the moon melts away the last drop of day’s heat, summer slumber no longer beckons. This is great imagery, and a nice start. The ...
Dec 27, 2008
